| Author | Message | ||
| Bren
Advanced Member Username: bren Post Number: 1024 Registered: 12-2001 |
I'm blessed to live where a mother-in-law's tongue is my terrorist on the porch and wandering jew is still purple with green stretched to its tips. In war torn countries they've sent in the bees with rice sized radio plates harnessed around pin striped bellies and given them a taste for TNT. (Message edited by Bren on August 20, 2005) Bren PenShells | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 2712 Registered: 07-2002 |
Bren, I really like this one. I might break line one on 'live' rather than 'where'. The opening lines are stellar. The image of bees searching out mines is startling. Well done. ljc http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Advanced Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2347 Registered: 12-2003 |
Bren, I like this too. Oh my, Lisa beat me to the line break suggestion. Strong and unique images.  K | ||
| SplinterGroup
Advanced Member Username: splinter Post Number: 884 Registered: 11-2003 |
I like this one too nice juxtaposition of the growing live things on the porch and the military hardware. Reminds me of the classic sixties picture of the National Gurardsman with the daisy in the rifle of his barrell put there by the hippie chick in the war protest. Damm I am getting to be an old fossil. A (Message edited by splinter on August 21, 2005) | ||
| M. Kathryn Black
Senior Member Username: kathryn Post Number: 2662 Registered: 09-2002 |
Bren, A strong piece. There wasn't any part of it I didn't like. Best, Kathryn | ||
| Packrat
Advanced Member Username: packrat Post Number: 267 Registered: 01-2002 |
Geez-o-peet, Bren, tell me, please that that bee-image is fictional and not factual...I would despair! (OH!, but what a brilliant image it is!) [Hmmm.....would you consider swapping around a couple of words in line 3, and having it read as. "is the terrorist on my porch"...? It kinda comes off the tongue a little smoother, without, I think, perverting any of the image/message...?] --Packrat. (Message edited by Packrat on August 22, 2005) (Message edited by Packrat on August 22, 2005) | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 4558 Registered: 07-2001 |
that last S great fun and also something else not neat smiles Gary Drop in read the new MindFire, 2005's first Go in through http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ to get to the issue in a click or two. | ||
| Bren
Advanced Member Username: bren Post Number: 1028 Registered: 12-2001 |
Thanks Lisa, you're right about where. I had it up and down before I posted I'll drop it down. Lisa, Alan, Kathy, Kathryn, Packy and Gary, Thank you for reading this for me. Without getting too political I'm sickened by the President's refusal to sign the ban on landmines. I was looking through the Countries who are in support of the ban and it's very interesting to note that most of those are the ones who have known first hand the pain and suffering. To think our leader believes this is a practice to continue is extremely upsetting. I wondered why we would fund research in ways to find landmines and not sign a treaty that might help eliminate them altogether. It doesn't make sense to me but I didn't want to come off too political with the poem so I chose the bees with hope that anyone who reads it might consider the implications. Hey Packy, It's real very very real. We should all shiver to think about it. Thank you for the crit, I'll toss that around in me wee head a while. Okay I'm off the bandwagon for now. Thanks ya'll Bren PenShells | ||
| Laurie Byro
Advanced Member Username: lauriette Post Number: 1171 Registered: 11-2003 |
nice statement Bren if only he'd listen to poets what did WCW say about poems and history poems aren't newspapers but every day men die for lack of what is found there? or something I just totally blew. laurie | ||
| Christopher T George
Advanced Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 1992 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi Bren Of course we don't want to sign a treaty to ban land mines that we might be able to use against our enemies, do we? Similarly we don't want to sign onto the International Court of Justice at the Hague because we might find some of our people prosecuted for doing things to our enemies that we shouldn't be doing. Brent, I endorse the impetus behind your fine and scathing poem. I am as sick as you are that this supposedly moral country could hold itself above international law. It is no way for a country that supposedly believes in "justice" to act. All my best Chris (Message edited by Chrisgeorge on August 24, 2005) Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ http://chrisgeorge.netpublish.net/ http://christophertgeorge.blogspot.com | ||
| Rhonda Maltbie
New member Username: rondalyn Post Number: 5 Registered: 04-2005 |
I think i'd take the car bomber over the mother in law's mouth. Death is so much less painful. A great poem, somewhat chilling. Killer ending. Rhonda (Message edited by rondalyn on August 24, 2005) | ||
| Bren
Advanced Member Username: bren Post Number: 1031 Registered: 12-2001 |
Thanks Laurie and Chris! What you both say comes through clearly and I couldn't agree more. I question motive in this situation but I think Chris hit on several of those in what he said. I'm still in shock that a leader could be so bold about decisions such as this. I do wish he would listen and stop jerking lives around before he speaks about anything else of importance! Hi Rhonda, it's nice to meet you! I'm not sure I agree about taking the bomb over a tongue because targets are more than one person but I think you meant it as tongue in cheek in regard to a mother-in-law and because of that I won't get all heavy on ya'. My Mother-in-law makes the saints curse and the devil cry...that's why she is almost/kinda/sorta referred to in my poem. Thank you for reading for me! Bren PenShells |
